Battered and bruised they make their moves.
The sentence above was the first post on my first blog, hosted at blogspot, on the 10 March 2009. Almost ten years ago. Deception still survives, mainly in my mind and unwritten. For my mind (and heart) is plagued with self doubt and in those intervening ten years, my voice (and a quietening of the self doubt) I found with Deception and the Decoding Static blog has faded. Actually not so much faded as has been shredded by false hope, and feelings of failure and shame. In Deception only the Educators are allowed to have children, how ironic it is that being unable to have children is behind the shredding of my self and my voice.
I would like to finish Deception one day, for it is a story of confinement, which ends with a hand holding a green gloved hand as they walk away to their future. A future that is spacious and alive and not just about surviving in bad faith. Though I need to find my own future first, away from the bad faith the shreds of my self has become entangled and frayed with. I need to find my place. Perhaps this is a beginning.
I am selectively re-posting my blog posts from the first blog to this blog. Some will include notes like the above. All will be posted on their original date, with the re-post date included at the end of the post. This is a beginning.
Posted: 25 February 2019