We can’t escape our lives. During my invisible grief it can feel as if I am not living, that I am just stuck and my life is waiting to start again. Partly because the grief can be a knockout punch and partly because I am not honouring my grief or myself. Instead I try to continue as if the grief is not there and I am hard on myself for suffering this pain and not being ok. When I am authentic with my grief, it still hurts the same, but it is as if I have dodged the worst of the punches, I am bruised but I am not on the floor. At these times I can be, I can express, I can be kind to myself.
The relaunch of Decoding Static has taken time, as has the second edition of tearing at thoughts, as they were caught up in the same roller coaster of grief and healing. Through twitter, I started hinting at my invisibility, an attempt to squash a history of grief into 140 characters, which ultimately caused a couple of people to ask me, am I alright?